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The Navy Lark - Let Loose With a Chopper


'Now then, about the saucy Lillian Gish calender that was whipped out my office at Broadcasting House. It still hasnt been returned and robin is getting very tired of looking at the nail in the wall where it used to hang. Some kind listeners have sent me saucy calenders to replace Miss Gish, but most of them are a heck of alot saucier than Miss Gish ever was! There was one of a strangley big girl, and if I'd hung that up on the wall and my boss had seen it - I'd not only have lost my Lillian Gish calendar I'd have lost my office and my job aswell! You're not going to beleive this but - she hadn't even got her vest on...'

'Coooor, hear I say, hahahaha, you havn't got it with you, hav you?'

'Not likley mate! That one is under the floor boards at home!'

'Right Oh, everyone round to Robins place - Pertwee'l lead the way'

'Oh no you wont, you havnt got the time. Lieutenant Murray and the pair of you are wanted in Captain Povey's office immediatly....'


Murray, Phillips and Pertwee arrive at Povey's office and Heather tells Povey they're here, 'Oh they've got up at last have they!' Povey tells them the Admiral wants them to sail to Portland to take part in some Naval Fleet Exercises.

Once they arrive(crash) at Portland they find the port deserted and ask a dockworker where everyone is, 'How should I know! They probably heard you were coming and took cover!'

They go to Ops and are told the real exercises are taking place off of Portsmouth, and the Admiral sent them to Portland to ensure the success of the exercies, 'He's a wily one alright'

The crew are invited to the Naval Air Station where their reputation is well known, 'Their helicopters spend most of their time rescuing chaps you've clobbred into the sea!' They are offered a ride in a helicopter which they accept, but Murray and Pertwee warn Phillips not to touch anything or distract the pilot, 'For 2 pins I wudnt go up in the beastly thing now','Cheif!','I'm looking for a couple now, Sir!'

The pilot arrives and takes them to the helicopter the CO told them to use, 'Its the oldest one we've got, therefore whatever happens wont matter quite so much'

'What made the CO detail you as our pilot'

'Well if you must know, I'm not so hot either!'

Once up in the helicopter everything is going fine unitl Mr Phillips 'accidentally' sets off a smoke flare - and while they're trying to get it out of the helicopter, he sets of the ditress rockets aswell. When the confusion dies down, they find they've lost sight of land and Mr Phillips' antics have wrecked the compass. Pertwee starts to worry that they'll have to jump into the sea. Trying to reassure him, Mr Phillips shows him how the parachutes have self inflating life boats in them - by pulling the little toggle and inflating the life boat - in the helicopter



'If u feel the need to boot a certain superior officer, I shan't be looking'

'Most grateful Sir, but with this thing inflati-ma-cated I can't get near 'im'


They find land again and, while Mr Phillips is straining to look where they are, he falls out on the whinch and is dragged through the sea on the end of the winch rope which cant be wound up again

Back at Portsmouth, the Admiral is being annoyed by his Flag Lieutenant, 'Dingle Sir - Claude Dingle', and Povey is called by WRN Chasen and told of the crews exploits and a request by Portland Air Station to have their helicopter back. A signal indicating the helicopter towing the gunnery target for exercise sounds and the fleet open fire - but its the wrong helicopter and the 'target' its towing is really Mr Phillips

Afterwards at Povey's office, Povey tells them he and the Admiral have decided that they should go on a long trip to recover from their ordeal.

Where to?

'Portland. To get your blasted ship back!'

Taking part were:

WRN Chasen - Heather Chasen

Commander Povey - Richard Caldicot

Commander Murray - Stephen Murray

CPO Pertwee - Jon Pertwee

SL Phillips - Leslie Phillips

The Admiral - Tenniel Evans

Flag Lt Dingle - Michael Bates

Lt Pike - Michael Bates

Lt Parfet - Ronnie Barker

Written By: Laurie Wyman

Produced By: Alastair Scott Johnson